This week I found myself in quite the predicament; explaining to an eleven year old how I don’t want to settle.
To answer the question I KNOW you’ve got, no, I do NOT normally go around projecting my dating woes onto children. I was actually having a rather empowering conversation with their parent when the little earwig appeared out of nowhere, making me jump out of my skin, and interjected with a question. (Has this brought back memories of you trying to listen in on your mum and her friend’s secret convos through the tiny gap in door? Yeah, me too.)
“But do you not want to have a family? You can’t have one if you don’t settle”, was said question.
Now, I knew exactly what they meant. They were referring to the term ‘settling down’ to have a family. BUT, Little Earwig, that was not what I meant. Myself and their parent then proceeded to sit them down and explain the rather large difference of the meaning of ‘settling’.
After hearing us ramble, Little Earwig came out with a sentence that has stuck to my eardrums like glue since it came out of their little mouth: “But what if I turn down everyone and then no one wants me and I can’t have a family?” I’m sure this is a fear of yours too, reader? Because I know it is a massive one for me. I have this really horrible image of me sat in an old, dark, cold house looking out a bay window wrapped in blankets, all alone, withering away. TBH, that could be next week - cost of living, am I right?
Anyway, back to what I was saying.
Most of us don’t want to end up alone, who would? We are sociable creatures by nature and we love to love and to be loved, so the thought of ending up alone and not being able to do that is SCARY.
But as I am writing this, I am remembering how I felt in the moment that Little Earwig said it. I had just spent the last 5 minutes explaining to them that I knew my worth and how I was never going to settle for someone again who doesn’t: 1. think the world of me and 2. tries to dull my sparkle because theirs doesn’t shine as brightly. And in that moment, for once, I was ok with being alone.
No internal sense of dread… Just contentment. Can you believe it?!?!
It was like someone flipped a switch that joins my head and my heart and made me realise that I am bloody amazing and I shouldn’t forget that. Now, I’m not going to sit here blowing my own trumpet telling you how amazing I am (hehe), I am here to flick that internal switch for you.
You’re f*cking amazing…
You are worthy of love. Not just love, the BEST kind of love that you just want to wrap yourself up in it which makes your heart feel all warm and cosy, type of love.
You are deserving of someone who thinks the absolute world of you and is your own personal cheerleader for anything you decide to take on in your life. Give me a L-O-V-E to the Y-O-U!
And most importantly, if someone doesn’t treat or see you as the absolute PRIZE you are, walk away. I promise you self-love is worth so much more to you and is imperative to living your best life more than a subpar, unfulfilling type of love is.
Trust me, self-love just hits different when you know you’re the sh*t and you are.
So, I will leave you with this: never settle for crab sticks when you’re queuing in line for lobster x