Getting back on the (dating) horse after a breakup is bloody daunting (euphemism intended lol)
DISCLAIMER: This blog will give you a well detailed insight into the mind of a girl in her 20’s who fought between herself and her ego in her quest to put herself back out there after being dumped...
That girl is me, if you haven’t already caught on.
After a breakup you’re fragile. It doesn’t matter whether you were the dumpER or the dumpEE, the last thing on your mind is going out there and bagging yourself a new partner. But when the time does come (or in my case, after I had balled my eyes out to all the romcoms Netflix had to offer), going out on a date can be quite the nerve wracking thing.
Before you’ve even ventured out to the date, your ego decides to put it’s 2 pence in:
“Why wasn’t I good enough for my ex? Maybe I’m not good enough for someone else?”
“I’ll never find anyone else who was as perfect for me as they were”
“Omg someone new has got to see me naked for the first time again... oh even worse, I’ve got to hold in my farts again!”
Btw, you’re lying if the last one never crossed your mind at least ONCE.
Your ego will say just about anything to try to convince you that staying in sitting on the sofa, knees deep in a pot of Ben and Jerry’s - Bridget Jone’s style - would be a far better option than going out and potentially breaking down some of the protective emotional walls you have built since your breakup.
But the truth is, the best way to approach your debut into single dating life again is to treat it like a plaster. And what I mean by that is before you do it you get that icky feeling in your belly because you know whats to come but you know that after you rip it off you’ll be fine and the sooner you get it over and done with, you will start to feel better. Get it over and done with bestie!
I won’t lie I was sh*t scared before I went out to meet my first date post-breakup. I sat on the train, palms sweating, knee bouncing anxiously, trying to remind myself to breathe. Walking up to the pub thinking of the perfect opening line to say hello was chaos. For some unknown reason I went with ‘oh hi, omg you’re a catfish, only joking hahahaha’. (“Oh right, hahaha, Hi Faye” is how he responded for those of you who are intrigued).
Safe to say he was a bit confused, I was bloody confused, WHY DID I SAY THAT?! However once I blurted that out, I must’ve blurted the nerves out along with it because when we sat down, the nerves vanished and I allowed myself to have fun.
When I got home I had a bit of a realisation..
..I was so proud of myself for actually going to the date because it was the first steps I had taken to putting myself back out there. And hey let's face it, the first date you go on post-breakup probably won’t lead to anything more than that date or a couple more. Then it hit me, I did this for ME! The little niggling voice of my ego had well and truly shut up. No longer was it telling me that I weren’t good enough for anyone or that I was better off alone. Instead I was filled with thoughts and feelings that I was bloody amazing and that anyone would be bloody lucky to be in my life.
Dating is supposed to be fun. The initial thought of it might not be, but I promise you that when you get home afterwards you will be glad you went. But if you weren’t, maybe you aren’t ready to date yet, and that is absolutely fine. Go at your own pace and do what you’re comfortable with. Remember sweetie, you are a damn PRIZE!!!!!
P.S. Life is waaayy too short to be hung-up on your ex, darling. Just felt like you needed to hear that ;)