Rejection. Ouch, even the word sounds harsh.
All of us in our lifetime have experienced rejection of some kind. Whether that's being turned down from a job you thought you had in the bag, your friend choosing to stay home and chill out instead of going out on the piss with you, or even when your bid gets turned down on eBay for that limited edition My Little Pony figurine which the 6 year old inside of you was screaming out with excitement to possess (don’t ask)...
Rejection just isn’t nice.But when we think of rejection in dating, it’s hard not to get a horrible feeling in our stomachs...
Let’s not kid ourselves, it takes a lot of gumption to tell someone that you think they’re fit or ask them on a date (kudos to you if you have/do, do this). BUT the fear of rejection doesn’t just affect the rejectee, it's awks for the rejector too.
Now I am going to talk about my general experience here, as I have been on both sides of the rejection coin.
Being the rejectee:
I told a boy I fancied him once and I don’t think I will ever be able to scrub out the face he pulled in response. The face of utter SYMPATHY. Which was then accompanied with, “Ahh Faye, you’re great but I think this is a friends thing.”
Safe to say if there was a moment I wanted the ground to swallow me up or for someone to throw some water on me and I evaporate like the witch from the Wizard of Oz, it was then.
How could he not like me? - Not trying to blow my own trumpet here. We got on like a house on fire, he flirted with me on a daily in-person and over text, and all my friends told me he liked me?
I felt well and truly mugged off.
Turns out he was right, we were better as mates. But that aside, on reflection I am glad I told him I had some feelings for him, as if I hadn’t, I would’ve always wondered, ‘what if?’
Being the rejector:
Now this is a different type of awkward and ground swallow me up type of experience. For some unknown reason, you never see it coming?!?!
I recently made a new acquaintance (really hope he doesn’t see this, lol) who very flippantly asked me out in the middle of a very unrelated convo.
Like a deer in headlights, I froze.
The only thing that came out my mouth in response was “err, I dunno”, and to make matters worse I have a very expressive face - I think he could tell what my answer was by the fact my eyes widened and my jaw flung down as if to say “WTF, did you just ask me out????!!!!”
I saw this person as a mate and had put him in that box already. Like yeah, we got along but ngl, he just wasn’t my type.
Now I had three options:
1. Make up some big elaborate lie as to why I wasn’t free that night - I got run over or something could work?
2. Tell him I just started dating someone (he knew I wasn't, we literally had this convo 10 mins prior).
3. Tell him how I truly felt.
I went with number 3 and you know what, he took it like a champ and respected me actually being honest with him. Seemed like he was surprised that I actually told him the truth?
What I have learnt is that these two situations above won’t be the only times I get rejected or I reject someone. However, when I was honest about my feelings it felt SO much better than when I have either; kept my feelings to myself when I fancied someone, or, told a lil' white lie when I was turning someone down.
Some food for thought for ya ;)
In conclusion, life is waaaaay too short. Shoot your shot, slide into those DM’s, tell people if you aren’t interested in them, set boundaries and have a jolly good time doing it xoxo